Five Stages of Grief
Adapted from the answer generated by ChatGPT-4.
The five stages of grief, commonly known as the Kübler-Ross model, were first proposed by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” This model was originally developed to describe the process through which people cope with death and bereavement. However, over the years, it has been recognized as a useful framework for understanding how people deal with various types of loss and trauma. Here are the five stages in detail:
Denial: This is the first stage of grief. In denial, individuals believe that the loss did not occur. They may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss, allowing individuals to collect themselves and, with time, confront their emotions. People in denial may struggle to accept the fact of the loss, which can manifest in avoidance, confusion, elation, or shock.
Anger: As the masking effects of denial begin to wear off, reality and its pain re-emerge. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends, or family. Anger may be directed at the dying or deceased person. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed, but emotionally, they may be felt responsible.
Bargaining: The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Typically, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. “If only I had taken them to the doctor sooner, maybe they would still be here. Please, if I start volunteering and helping others, can we turn back time and bring them back?” Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, but it allows individuals a temporary escape from the pain, and gives them hope that there might be a way to mitigate the loss.
Depression: During the fourth stage, the individual begins to understand the certainty of the loss and its effect on their life. This stage is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a sign of mental illness but rather a natural response to loss. People may isolate themselves on purpose, reflect on things they did with the lost one, and focus on memories of the past. It can be a quiet preparation to separate and to bid their loved one farewell.
Acceptance: In this last stage, individuals embrace the inevitability of their loss. Acceptance does not mean happiness. Rather, it means understanding that the loss is real and cannot be changed. People in this stage often have a more objective view of the situation and are involved in practical and financial decisions. They start to plan for the future and re-engage in daily activities.
It’s important to note that not everyone goes through all of these stages, nor do they necessarily occur in order. People’s experiences of grief can vary widely based on their personality, history, support systems, and the nature of the loss. The stages of grief are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling, but they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.